My First Kiss

I was spending the night with my friend Mila when I was 14. In the late afternoon, her mom took us to this really nice outdoor shopping mall near where we live and we were left to wander. We weren’t going to get picked up until 9. So we were doing the kinds of things that 14 year old girls do…shopping, trying on clothes, looking at makeup that neither of us really even wanted.

By the time evening rolled around, we both started to get hungry. As we walked into the food court area, my friend saw this guy that she liked. Of course, she wanted to go talk to him. And of course, he had a friend that he was hanging out with. The guy she liked, Matt, was 16 and I could tell he thought he was the shit because he had a car. I mean, who announces that as part of his first sentence? I think it was something kind of like, “Hey, how’d you get here? I drove us in my car.” I was trying not to roll my eyes.

So, his friend, Jacob, was 15. Just like Matt, Jacob did not make a good impression on me. It’s not that I disliked him. I was just ambivalent. I didn’t know what that word meant at the time but I didn’t need a word. He wasn’t attractive. He was just kind of…there. But here my friend was all happy about getting to hang out with this guy she liked, so I didn’t want to ruin it for her. That meant now I was hanging out with this guy who was obviously flirting with me and now, even if I wasn’t flirting back, I had to do my best not to pretend like I was having a seizure. 

And so much for food. I was still hungry. But at this point we had started walking in the opposite direction of the food court.

My friend and Matt started holding hands. It was so awkward. I’m just kind of strolling along next to Jacob thinking, “You had better not try and touch my hand.” Matt asked if we wanted to go somewhere else. My friend looked at me with a look of pleading in her eyes so, reluctantly, I said yes. As we’re walking to his car I was wondering just how in the heck I got myself into this situation.

We get to the car. Matt should not be bragging. He had to clear room in the back seat so me and Jacob had a place to sit. I think he had been collecting old Starbucks cups and fast food wrappers.

We drove for a little while, just kind of aimlessly. I was trying to participate in the conversation and not be a complete jerk. And then we ended up in this sort of industrial area where nobody else was. We parked. I know what’s coming and my heart is racing. Mila and Matt started kissing in the front. If I thought it was awkward before, I wouldn’t even have a word for this was. Me and Jacob are just sitting there.

He was looking at me. I was looking at him. I so did not want to kiss him. Was this really going to be my first kiss? Someone I had zero, and I mean zero, attraction. 

I thought, “Oh well. Time to take one for the team.” I lean in and kiss him on the lips. I am not sure who was more surprised, me or him. He just sat there and stared at me. Then he leaned in and kissed me on my lips. But his lips stayed there and I felt his tongue go into my mouth. It was so gross. I didn’t like the way he tasted at all. I mean, this was his spit I was tasting. And oh my god, his tongue felt nasty the way it was probing into my mouth. But now I was in it and I had to go with it. I put my tongue in his mouth and start trying to imitate what he was doing.

Next thing I knew, his arms were finding their way around me. He was holding me. He had his hands in my hair. I was like, “fuck it.” And I started holding him. This night could not possibly end quickly enough.

So this goes on. And something interesting started to happen. I was getting turned on. My breathing started to quicken. My hands start actively feeling his arms, which actually didn’t feel all that bad. He had some muscle and I was just running my hands back up and down his arms, reaching around him and pulling him closer to me. My mouth pressed harder against his and I felt my tongue searching its way deeper into his mouth. I could tell that he could tell something had shifted in me.

He put his hand on my breast. My first thought was “oh no you don’t.” I was just about to move his hand but then I realized that it felt good. There was a warmth that was spreading all through me.

I lifted up my shirt and put his hand over my bra. I thought to myself, “We’re kissing. His hand is on my boob. Now I’m getting wet. I mean I am getting really wet.”

I moved my bra to the side so I can feel his hand on the naked skin of my left boob. I feel his hand encompass it. My boobs are not big. They really were small then. But he was totally feeling me up, and I could feel how much he was into it. I lifted up my bra, exposing both boobs. Jacob’s eyes were scanning from my left to my right boob. Then he lowered his head and started sucking on my left nipple. I threw my head back and started to moan. It felt so good.

I opened my eyes to see what was happening in the front seat. Mila’s shirt and bra were completely off and Matt was sucking on her nipples. He and I made eye contact. As he was licking Mila’s boobs, he had been checking me out. I felt an absolute rush go through my entire body.

I took my shirt and bra off, making sure that Matt could get a complete eyeful. Then I pulled Jacob’s head into my boobs. In a matter of minutes I had gone from no guy ever seeing my boobs to two guys.

My guy was reaching his hand between my legs. I know he had to feel how hot I am down there. I am soaked, I can tell. His hand is over my jeans, but he’s rubbing. I reach and touch between his legs and feel his bulge over his jeans. We go back and forth between kissing and him licking and sucking my nipples. 

Mila and Matt stopped. Mila said that her mom is picking us up soon. It was almost 8:45. I pulled Jacob to me and kissed him. Then me and Mila put our bras and our tops on. My heart was beating so fast. I wasn’t sure what else were going to do back there, but I was now very bummed that it was not going to happen. As we drove back to the mall for me and Mila to get picked up, I was holding Jacob’s hand.

I never saw Jacob again after that. I didn’t give him my number. I told him that I didn’t have a phone. In fact, I had left it at Mila’s house so it was a good excuse. At this point I had enough common sense to realize that while what we had done was fun, I was 14. There was no next step that would be safe or appropriate for me at that age. And plus, I remembered that Jacob was kind of gross. But it gave Mila and I lots to talk about that night.