Fantasy Becomes Reality. Reality is Fantasy

It was fifteen years since my divorce when, out of the blue, I received a text from ex-wife. I was shocked but also amazed.

She included a photo which showed her looking windswept on a yacht by a coastline, probably in the Mediterranean, somewhere hot, romantic and sunny. I noticed the blonde dyed hair, cut quite short, and some new tattoos on her shoulder.

But when I read the message, I was even more astounded.

This is what she wrote:

I wanted you to know that I have become a porn queen and have loved every minute of the sex. See what you missed!

The circumstances of our divorce had followed a period in which my wife and I had not engaged in any sex for at least a year, so when I met someone else, we had outrageous non-stop sex. My wife came to the view that I had left her because she was not interested in sex at that time. Hence the message that she was now some ultra sexed-up nymphomaniac making porn films.

The message turbo-charged my imagination. I remembered the times in our marriage when we had plentiful sex, how she enjoyed being masturbated to orgasm before I would enter her, and how she wanted more orgasms - especially from oral sex.

She had told me that she had experimented with lesbian sex with a girlfriend while we were married. It was not lost on me that much of the sex we had as man and wife - me fingering her wet cunt, sucking on her large nipples, repeatedly licking her clit with my face buried in her soft, soaking hole, could have been performed by a woman.

She was never very interested in my cock, and rarely gave me a blow job. But she did say that she enjoyed that my cock was thick enough to stretch her cunt. She enjoyed having me finger here, first puttingin in one, then two, then three fingers inside her to stretch her out. This was close to fisting – another lesbian practice.

So when I tried to imagine her as a porn queen, I began to wonder whether she was doing lesbian sex. But given her age, she would have to be classed as a MILF or even (on some porn websites) a ‘granny’. Her long pendulous tits, long nipples and huge areole were a huge turn-on for me and I could imagine how great they would look in a porn film.

Her large thighs were soft and fleshy. I loved being between them when I was fucking her or when my face was deep into her cunt. Her magnificent thighs and generous arse had developed when she was a water- skier, and had been worked-out more recently as a horse rider. These same thighs could support her when she squatted above me, her tits dangling in my face, and my cock in her cunt as she squeezed my erect member with her strong pelvic floor muscles.

My imagination was running wild, my cock was hard, and I was stroking myself to a crazy conclusion. It was after my cum had spurted all over the new image of my ex that I formed the idea of trying to find her on porn sites. I couldn’t eliminate the possibility that she was winding me up and that she had never made any porn, but the thought that she had was so exciting that I couldn’t resist starting my searches.

She was never going to use her real name on a porn site, so there was no point in searching for the name I knew her by, and I could only guess what name she might adopt .  Then I had no idea what porn site she may have posted on or how her posts might be labelled – ‘Sexy MILF with saggy tits fucks young stud’, or maybe ‘Granny with full thighs masturbates herself to orgasm’ or 'Mature woman with huge areoles has lesbian sex with younger woman.’

I knew she had more and larger tattoos, but I was intrigued also about what else she might have changed. She always used to have a full bush or a trimmed bush, but would she now be shaved like most women on porn sites? I tried to imagine her shaved vulva or maybe with a big bush. Might she have had her boobs done to make them less saggy and perter and fuller? Might she have some jewelry around her vulva, or a labia ring or two? I masturbated while I filled my imagination with what she might have become.

The search began using free porn sites. I tried some search terms which were hopelessly vague like ‘MILF’, ‘saggy tits’, ‘mature lesbian’. I saw a lot of sexy stuff, and I masturbated often, especially to women who reminded me of her – with strong nipples, or generous thighs, a full bush or a very wet pussy - but no sign of my ex.

I had the longest hard-on watching film of women wearing no bras, their tits swinging beneath their loose shirts, their hard nipples pushing through the cloth, just as my ex had done when I first met her.

This led me to look back at some photos of her taken many years ago topless on a French beach and I masturbated looking at those. Or another picture of her in a bikini where I could see the outline contours of her vulva. My memories and imagination filled-in what the photo only hinted at. Then another picture taken on a hotel balcony with her bending over and her tits hanging down. That reminded me of the fuck we had immediately after that photo was taken on that same hotel balcony.

Then I tried some more specialist sites which required a subscription. I knew that many years ago she was a great admirer of women like Annie Sprinkle, Betty Dodson, queen of the self-pleasure movement, or Sadie Lune, Nikki Silver and Maddison Young all stars of old-style feminist porn. Knowing her political views, I thought my ex would be on a site that promoted sex to women, non-binary and trans not simply men.

So I watched videos of Sadie Lune, with her beautiful pendulous tits, forcing her gloved and well-lubed fist into the cunt of a super hairy flat-chested young tattooed woman. I found Nikki Silver with her hairy pits and pubes, sporting an enormous strap-on, penetrating the arse of a blonde trans goddess. They/them proceeded to fuck Nikki with her cock (very confusing). In another video, a sorority of hairy young women, some with huge breasts and some with almost none, lick each other’s hairy armpits before fucking each other with dildos. In ‘Bushy Babes’ a hirsute young woman with immensely hairy legs, bum, nipples and upper lip was licked all over and pissed on by another woman only slightly less hairy. Maddison Young, in her solo video, tied herself in knots and fucked herself with amazing violence until her ginger-haired cunt was red and swollen in an ‘inspirational piece of kinky self-love.’

I wanked myself silly watching all these weird and wonderful sexual escapades, learning a great deal about the non-binary world out there. But none of these long hours of research, and expensive subscriptions, turned up so much as a glimpse of my ex.

I began to wonder whether she had been teasing me all along. Perhaps she had never made a porn film. Perhaps my fantasy of discovering her as a porn star purveying fantasy sex was not a reality. Yet I had been convinced by her message and for the days when I researched those websites, my fantasy was my reality.