Do Girls Want Sex

I went to school in the 1950s and early 1960s and I hated every minute of it. There were only a few subjects that I could relate to and a lot that I couldn't. I liked maths and English, science and woodworking and that was it. I hated sports of any kind, especially football which seemed to be the worst for bringing out that competitive edge. I dislike all forms of competitiveness.

We used to wear those stupid flat school caps with a peak on the front and I remember on the day that I left school for good I was walking home and a double decker bus passed me by. I took off my cap and threw it under the wheels of the bus. It got trapped between the double wheels at the back and as the bus moved along I could see it hitting the road at every revolution of the wheels, a rare,  satisfying experience for me.

I had always loved the female sex but I admit that at the same time I was intimidated by them. When I discovered the pleasure of masturbation my curiosity was aroused even further. I wondered if girls liked sex too. I decided that the answer to that question was no they didn't. Girls were far more refined and cultured to do anything like that. I believed that they did things to please their boyfriends but not because they wanted to do it themselves.

I had strong support for my way of thinking because otherwise why was it always the boys who did all the chasing? And why, once a boy had somehow managed to get a date with a girl and start 'courting' was it always the boy who was pushing the girl to 'go further'.

I had a girl cousin who was the epitome of beauty. All the boys followed her around like bees round a honey pot. In those days there was a company that made a hairspray called Miners, I don't know if it still exists or not. It had a scent that to me was the sexiest scent in the universe, it drove me wild and Maureen, my cousin used that hairspray. Maureen and myself and some friends used to go to a club in our little town. It was a typical place where teenagers could go and listen to music by the Beatles and The Rolling Stones and Elvis etc. We could get soft drinks and there was always a rush with the boys to be the first to get Maureen a drink. There was also dancing and it was still normal to hold a girl when dancing, before it became more of a do-it-yourself process where you don't really need a partner. I always tried to get to Maureen before any of the other lads because I was so hard when I was with her and I didn't want her to feel someone else's penis pushing into her front when they were dancing, after all, girls don't like that sort of thing do they? But she wouldn't mind with me because were cousins and cousins don't do that sort of thing.

Maureen lived just 3 houses up the road from where I lived with my mother and grandparents since I was 10 years old. My dad had died young because of an old war wound then, and my mother and I then moved in with gran and granddad. One day Maureen and I had been hanging out somewhere, I don't remember where it was, and on the bus home, she said, shall I come into your place for a bit? Of course, I said yes. I opened the front door and we moved into a small porch that had just one door on the left which led into the main house. Maureen closed the outside door and I felt her hand around my waist pulling me towards her. Then her lips were upon mine and she was kissing me, not hard and urgently, just soft and sweetly. Then I felt the tip of her tongue between my lips. Although I was 18, I hadn't had much experience with 'French kissing' and I don't think she did either but it was a lovely sensation and oh so intimate.

Then she drew away and her beautiful face was red, I'm sure that mine was too. I just stood there like a dummy, not knowing what to say or how to respond. I felt her pulling me towards her again and this time we kissed a bit more passionately. I felt her tongue between my lips again and I touched it with mine, just lightly but oh so lovely. My penis was rock hard and pushing into her front. I knew she had felt it because she adjusted her position so that I had more room for my swollen rod.

We heard sounds coming from inside the house so we broke our kiss and tried to recover some equanimity. Our faces were still red when my mum opened the porch door and saw us there. Maureen stood in front of me to cover my erection and we all went into the house without arousing any suspicion.

After that our relationship became even closer. When we went to the club we always walked in together before any of the guys spotted Maureen and tried to get her attention. One or two knew that we were cousins but others didn't, they must have taken it for granted that we were together as a couple. The ones who knew that we were cousins were more of a problem for us. Even though we had come in together they still felt that they had a chance with her so they tried to chat her up.

We worked in the same town which was about a ten-minute bus ride from where we lived and we went on the bus together every day. She worked in a jewellery shop directly across the road from the shop that I worked in, an electrical and TV shop. At lunch time we would take our packed lunches and go to a quiet park to sit on a bench eating them, holding hands all the time. We had an hour for lunch so we had plenty of time to cuddle together on the bench. Our kisses had become a bit more passionate and I wanted so desperately to ask her if we could go further but I was so sure that girls didn't like that sort of thing so I never suggested it.

Every night when we arrived back home from work and Maureen had gone into her house and me into mine I would go right up to my bedroom and masturbate thinking about her all the time and imagining my seed spurting all over her beautiful body. I even did some investigation into whether cousins could get married and I found to my absolute delight that they could, at least here in the UK that's true, I don't know about anywhere else. Of course, I should have known anyway because Queen Victoria and Prince Albert were first cousins and they were married. It seems that we would have to have some sort of medical test to see that any offspring would be okay but apart from that there was no problem. As it turned out we wouldn't have even needed that because I later found that I couldn't have kids anyway, I was sterile because of having mumps when I was fifteen years old but I didn't know that at the time.

Then my whole world was destroyed. One night at the club when I didn't go for some reason, Maureen met a man called David. She excitedly told me all about him the next day on the bus, it looked like this could be something serious. In her excitement I don't think she noticed how upset I was and I tried my best to cover it up. I knew that it was all my own fault. In my need to avoid the sex topic I hadn't told her about my investigations into cousins getting married. I hadn't even said the words, 'I love you,' out loud but I had hoped that she knew somehow. She had no idea how I felt about her, all because I thought that she wouldn't want to talk about sex. Maybe she even felt the same about me but thought I wasn't interested in her that way, what a damned mess.

I was truly devastated and had to take some time off work. Maureen and I drifted apart and within about six months she and David were married. They invited me to the wedding of course because all the family were going but I declined. Maureen and David moved to another town, not that far away, about twenty miles.  I could have visited them but I never did. It would have been too painful.

Maureen and David were married for sixteen years then I heard through the family that they had divorced. I wondered if she would call me or come round to see me but she didn't. I was married myself by this time but the love that I had felt for Maureen was still as strong as ever. By this time I was working as a TV engineer, out on the road repairing TV sets in customers' homes, in the days when people bothered to have things repaired instead of throwing them away and buying a new one. One day I was visiting a customer in the town where Maureen lived. I debated with myself for an hour about if I should go to see her, what would she think if I just turned up? In the end I decided to go.

I found her house and knocked on the door. She opened it within seconds and just stood there gazing at me. She was as stunningly beautiful as ever and my knees went weak. We just stood there looking at each other saying nothing, the gorgeous scent of her Miners hairspray making me reel. I just pushed past her through the door and went inside. She closed the door and again we stood facing each other then she was in my arms. It felt the same as it did all those years ago and our lips sought each other and we kissed, and our tongues found each other's and we learned what French kissing means.

She brought me tea and biscuits and we sat together on the sofa just like we used to do on that park bench. We talked about the old days, our old days, then I said,  'You know I was so much in love with you, don't you?' She was silent then she started to cry. I reached out to comfort her and she melted into my arms, sobbing. We held each other for a long time then she broke away and started hitting me hard, wherever she could. I tried to grab her arms but she was in a frenzy. Then she just stopped and with racking sobs she said, 'No, I didn't know, why didn't you tell me? I felt the same way.'

I was visibly shocked, dumbfounded, though just dumb might be a better word. What an idiot I had been, then I realised, it wasn't just how I had been, I still was. The idea that females just did the sex thing to please their partners is so deeply ingrained in me. The evidence to support my view is overwhelming. Why is it always the male who does all the chasing? Why is it always the female who has the headache?

We stayed together for most of the day. I had to work late into the evening to catch up with my work and I had to ring all my customers to tell them I would be late but I would definitely come.  Luckily they were all okay about it and no one reported me to my boss.

We talked and talked and we kissed and hugged but we didn't have sex. Maureen knew that I was married and she wouldn't let me be unfaithful to my wife. I would have done it but Maureen wouldn't, another reason to support my 'girls don't want to view'. I left her house around four in the afternoon. I said that I would come to see her the next time I was in her town and she said that would be good but only as cousins.

Six weeks later she called me at home and told me that she was in the hospital, she had been admitted with lung cancer and could I come to see her. I was at her bedside within the hour. She told me that the doctors had said that her cancer was advanced and she would have about two months, but that she wouldn't be able to return home because she needed constant care.  I said that I would give her the care she needed, she could move in with my wife and I or I would move into her house, my wife wouldn't mind, but she said that she needed specialist care and had to stay in the hospital. I was broken and devastated. I broke into tears and sobbed in her arms. I stayed with her for the rest of the day and promised to come in to see her every day.

I visited Maureen every day as I had promised and then I got a phone call from the hospital asking me to come in as quickly as I could, when I got there it was clear that she was dying. We held each other, sobbing, and she slipped away in my arms. She was forty-two years old. Back in the sixties it was almost compulsory to smoke tobacco. Maureen had smoked, not a lot but obviously enough to do the damage. I never smoked, couldn't stand the stuff, and I survived. I sort of wish I hadn't.