Chair Fucking

I know I have. 

I think had sex with more different chairs than women. 

The experiences have run from the simple - squirting lotion on the smooth seat of the desk chair in my college dorm room, kneeling in front if it, laying my penis on it and thrusting - to far more involved methods.

The interesting thing (to me at least) about just sliding back & forth on that wooden chair back then was that, in comparison to other techniques I’d used at the time, it really kinda sucked… until the final few minutes when it didn’t. I think it was simply the limited stimulation it provided, in terms of contact area on my penis, texture, friction & pressure, and being on my knees (my least favorite position) that made it difficult to get really excited, and then after that it was an effort to reach orgasm. 

I had to really work at it, for at least 15 minutes and usually have to raise off my knees and sort- hold myself up over the chair by clutching the sides of the seat and have legs only halfway extended and sort of spread out in order to get enough pressure and the right angle to drive the underside if my cock and my frenulum against the smooth slippery wood so that I could cum. This put tension on my legs, core & upper body and I think the position and necessary effort contributed to my ability to get to my climax - because that’s the only way I’d been able to have an orgasm on that chair. (Effort like that today would pretty well guarantee that I WON’T be cumming.)

And when I did, finally, have my orgasm there alone in my room af like 2:00 a.m., it was always a good (but not great) one and more important, pleasantly relieving. This was usually late at night when I was in the middle of trying to finish a paper or finally giving up on studying for an exam but too wired to sleep and was primarily a means of (quiet) stress-relief: there were more pleasant ways to masturbate but this way my neighbors wouldn't hear me (I hoped) and it always left me well-drained and less-stressed. 

Recommendation: if you find yourself in a similar situation, young, penis-equipped and enjoy the occasional, unconventionally attained orgasm, give it a try, you might like it.  Or, you might pull a muscle.

Pro tip for college guys: Just lube up your cock, lay over your desk, feet on the floor, grab the far edge and hump that instead. Short of having your gf on her back on it with her heels on your shoulders (or your roommate bent over it, if that’s how you roll) it’s the most fun you’ll be having with it.

Spindle-backed chairs. Yeah, fucked / humped a few. More than two but probably less than a half-dozen over the years. If the spindles are properly closely spaced, you can slide between them and against the seat of the chair. Did my parents’ and some roommates’ kitchen chairs. Meh. Poor to mediocre orgasms sometimes. Other times, I just gave up. 

Recommendation: don’t bother.

Easy chairs, living room chairs, leather chairs. Little explanation needed. On your knees facing it you’re fucking it doggy style (well, not really, ‘cause you’re hittin’ it from the front, but you get it). Baggie & lube or condom if fabric, bare with spit or lube if leather. Time tested and pretty much always delivers a fair to good orgasm.  Nailed many over the years. Not much to say, they work. I prefer fucking couches.

Recommendation: Definite yes. But don’t plan on dumping your girlfriend. 

Lawn chair / lounge. So a neighbor had a pool with a more or less private backyard. Home from college over the summer, I’d feed & walk the dogs and get to use the pool when they left town. 

I’d also masturbate over there, at least once a day. 

By the pool they had a couple of those light, folding aluminum framed lounge chairs you could use for sunbathing. Usually, sure I’d just lie on my back, pull down my bathing suit, and masturbate by hand in the warm sunshine. 

Thing about these chairs was rather than having fabric / plastic straps forming the seat and back, they used hundreds if these thin vinyl tubes all pressed against each other and wrapped around the frame. So there was this bed of two layers of smooth, soft but taught, vinyl ribs supporting you. Laying on my stomach one afternoon, it occurred to me that not only could I push my erection down between two of the tubes, if —-

< Alert!  I have a middle-aged divorced neighbor in the condo below ours, her bedroom directly below mine, and she must have been masturbating as I’ve been writing, because I just heard her have an orgasm. End Alert >

—- I oriented my erection parallel to my belly, I could slide it between the two layers of the vinyl tubes, which gripped me quite snugly and afforded a smooth, slippery, ribbed channel into which I could, and did, gently pump myself to a satisfying orgasm. 

A little experimentation the next day revealed that once I’d mounted the chair, if I used my hand to spread the vinyl tubes by the head of my penis apart, and when I thrust just right, the opening where my penis exited the chair, below and forward of the gap between the tubes where my erection entered the chair, provided excellent stimulation to my frenulum resulting in particularly good orgasms. 

Unfortunately, my enthusiasm got the better of me when, a couple of days later, I was socking it to the chair like a champ and forgot the “gentle” bit in the “gentle thrusting” and the chair frame snapped and the chair collapsed beneath me just before I was about to cum with my head working back and forth from between the tubes, popping out from inside them and making it feel oh, just right as I’d just described. 

Had I not, the day before, paranoid that the scraping sound made by the chair’s legs as I hunched on it and slowly worked it across the concrete pool deck could be heard by a neighbor and give him or her cause to peek over the fence, moved the chair to the grass, I’d have surely broken my dick.