Discovering my Exhibitionist Side

Back when I was much younger and lived at home, we'd go swimming various places as a family activity. We did it enough times that eventually I suffered the occasional wardrobe malfunction-two times I remember particularly were when I had my bottoms knocked off by a wave, and another time I didn't have either part of my bikini on tight enough for a water slide and it came off.

In both of those early times when I was exposed, I noticed how many boys would look at me and how excited it made me. I didn't understand the feelings at the time, I knew I was supposed to be embarrassed by being naked in such public settings but the reaction I got from the guys all around me and the feelings I got from it made it worth it. It was a strange combination of feeling vulnerable and powerful. I knew they enjoyed looking at me and while it made me squirm it also made my heart race in a way that made me excited.

After this I started to occasionally fake a wardrobe malfunction here and there, until eventually my parents asked me if I had an issue with bathing suits. I have autism so they suggested that I may have a sensory issue. I jumped at this and agreed that I really hated them and only really enjoyed myself most swimming while nude. They agreed to try to find clothing optional beaches when we went out and to let me go in the backyard naked.

My favorite were the beaches, though. I remember how much my heart would beat as we approached them and I knew I'd be naked in front of so many people. I liked to pretend I didn't actually have a choice, remembering how I felt those times it actually wasn't my choice. The power of the embarrassment felt so special and thrilling, I had no idea what was causing the stimulation but I knew I enjoyed so intensely the vulnerable feeling that boys were getting to see me in a way they normally never would.

My favourite thing to do to get attention were things I learned in gymnastics class, like cartwheels, vertical leg splits, tumbling, back-flips and handstands. Sometimes my heart was racing too much to do any of these but when I could it turned a lot of heads.

When we'd stay the day at the beach and I could make day friends with boys was the most exciting, I'm sure they enjoyed it as much as I did, hahaha