Stripardy

‘Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my fucking God!’ I thought.

 

‘What the hell have I done! I’ve done some stupid things in my life, but this has to be the all-time worst!’

 

 

I had been at a party on Saturday night with Sally from the office and a bunch of people that I didn’t know. I had had a little too much to drink and found myself playing a trivia game with three other people. 

 

 

While we were playing, I couldn’t understand why everyone was so intense and the people that were watching were so loud in their cheering. I ended up losing the game only to find out that I was playing for real money rather than fun. 

 

 

At the end of the game, George, the winner, turned to me and said, “Great game, Jane, but you owe me six hundred and thirty-five dollars.”

 

 

“What!” I exclaimed. “I didn’t know we were playing for real money. I don’t have that much cash with me.”

 

 

“What do you mean?” he said in a very concerned voice. 

 

 

“Everyone else knew. You need to pay up. However, because you’re a friend of Sally. I’ll take a cheque.”

 

 

I looked around at the other players, and they were all nodding.

 

 

“I thought you knew,” said my friend Sally.

 

 

“This is the game I told you about a couple of weeks ago. I invited you to come along tonight because I knew that you were good at trivia.”

 

 

Not wanting to embarrass Sally in front of her friends, I made out a cheque to George for six hundred and thirty-five dollars. It hurt because I had just managed to save almost seven hundred dollars over the past six months.

 

 

‘Damn,’ I thought. ‘This wipes me out. But at least I had the money in my account.’

 

 

Sally drove me home, apologizing the whole way that she thought that I knew I was playing for money.

 

 

The next morning, still feeling stupid for losing the money, I got in my car to drive to the beach. As I put it in reverse to back out of my parking spot, I heard a grinding sound, then a loud bang, and then the engine stopped.

 

 

‘What now?’ I thought. 

 

 

I called my dad and explained what had happened.

 

 

After a few questions, he said, “It sounds like the transmission. Were there any lights on in the dash?”

 

 

“There was a little red engine light,” I said.

 

 

“How long has it been there?”

 

 

“For a couple of weeks. I’ve been busy and haven’t had a chance to go to the dealer to ask what it meant.”

 

 

“It’s the check engine light,” he said in a soft voice. 

 

 

“It means that there is something seriously wrong with the engine. You’ll need to get the car to the dealer and have them look at it. Call the dealer and ask them what you should do.”

 

 

I called the dealer and heard that the service department wasn’t open on Sunday but that I could have the car towed there and they would look at it in the morning.

 

 

Monday afternoon I got a call from the dealer who said, “I’m afraid the damage is quite extensive.” 

 

 

After explaining the technical details of what needed to be done, he said, “The bottom line is that it will cost three thousand eight hundred and twenty-four dollars plus tax to get your car fixed.”

 

 

“What!” I exclaimed. “I don’t have that much.”

 

 

“I’m sorry,” he said sympathetically. “If we do the work, we need to be paid in full before we can release the car. Of course, you don’t need to do the repairs, but your car is not driveable as it is now.”

 

 

“Okay,” I said with a resigned voice. “Fix it. I’ll find the money.”

 

 

I knew from a week ago that I couldn’t get an increase in my credit card limit because it was at the maximum, and because I’d asked for it at my bank, I also knew that they wouldn’t consider me for a load until my credit card was paid off.

 

 

I moaned about my predicament to Sally when I got to work Tuesday morning.

 

 

“I’ve got a friend that can lend you the money,” she said. “But, because he loans to people that can’t get loans anywhere else, he charges very high interest rates. Do you want me to put you in touch with him?”

 

 

“Yeah. I’ll talk to him. I’m desperate.”

 

 

“Don’t forget that I’m off tomorrow for that game show audition. Have him call my cellphone.”

 

 

Just after 9:00 on Wednesday morning, I arrived at Tower Productions on Grant Street. 

 

 

I received a telephone call three weeks ago from Jeff at Tower Productions who said that he had heard that I hadn’t been successful being a contestant on a game show, and wondered if I would be interested in considering a new game show that was being planned for one of the cable channels.

 

 

I was so excited at the possibility of being on a game show that I didn’t ask too many questions beyond where I had to be and when.

 

 

After getting off the elevator on the third floor, I was welcomed by a receptionist who directed me to a conference room.

 

 

As I went into the room, I saw that I was joining about thirty other young women and men. After getting myself a cup of coffee, I was just sitting down when my cell phone rang. Answering it, I heard, “Is this Jane Viscount?”

 

 

“Yes. Who is this?”

 

 

“Hi, Jane. I’m Sally’s friend, Tony. I hear you need a loan.”

 

 

“Yeah. I do. I need just under four thousand dollars to get my car’s engine repaired.”

 

 

“I can do that,” he said. “How long will you need the loan?”

 

 

“It shouldn’t be more than a couple of weeks … until my next paycheck.”

 

 

“Okay. Sally told me that she told you that I charge a fair amount for my loans. I have a different way of people paying for their loans. The cost starts at a tenth of a percent for the first day. For four thousand, that will be four dollars. Then that cost doubles every day after that.”

 

 

“What do you mean doubles?”

 

 

“On the second day, it’s eight dollars, then sixteen on the third, thirty-two on the fourth, and so on until you pay it off.”

 

 

Here I was sitting in a conference room with the cost of my loan just about to become $4,096 and thinking, ‘That’s over double the amount I’m borrowing. Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my fucking God! What have I done? I’ve done some stupid things in my life, but this has to be one of the all-time worst.’

 

 

“Do you want the loan?”

 

 

“I guess that I don’t have a choice. How do I get the money?”

 

 

Tony gave me an address and asked when I’d like to pick up the cash.

 

 

“How about tomorrow morning at 8:00 before I go to work?”

 

 

As I gave my head a shake to try to forget my problems, a young, good-looking man walked into the room, followed by a couple.

 

 

After everyone was seated, he walked to the front of the room and said, “Hi everyone. I’m Jeff Richmond. I’m a senior producer here at After Hours. With me today are one of our directors, Maria James, and one of our game show hosts, George Rankin. As you know, After Hours is one of the longest-running adult cable channels. We’ve been producing high-quality adult entertainment for over ten years and have over three and a half million subscribers. We’re excited by this new game show we’re planning.”

 

 

As he said this, I thought, ‘Oh shit. This is an adult entertainment channel. What have I got myself into?’ 

 

 

Noticing that no one else seemed perturbed by what Jeff had said, I decided that I’d continue to listen.

 

 

Jeff continued, “The format of the game show we’re planning is very similar to another show where contestants are given the answer to a question and have to ask the correct question. Our legal department has advised us not to use the name of that show when we’re describing our show. That’s the reason you’re here today. From what we’ve been told, each of you applied to be a contestant on that show, and you, fortunately for us, weren't successful. You do, however, fit our profile. Maria is going to explain our new game show and, with George’s help, assess your on-camera profile to make sure that you show well. So without further ado, here’s Maria.”

 

 

A young woman moved to the front of the room as Jeff walked away and said, “Thanks, Jeff. Good morning, everyone. Is everyone ready for the opportunity to win some cash?” as she looked around the table.

 

 

“The name of the new weekly game show we’re planning for the After Hours channel is Stripardy. Our sponsors have funded five shows of Stripardy to make sure the concept will fly. We’re planning to start to air them in about two weeks.”

 

 

“The rules of Stripardy are fairly similar to those of that other game show. A contestant chooses a dollar amount from one of the six categories on the board. In the Stripardy part of the game, the five questions will be worth one hundred, two hundred, three hundred, four hundred, and five hundred dollars. George will read the answer that is revealed. The first contestant to buzz will reply with a question that has as its answer what George read. If the question is correct, then the contestant earns the value of the question. If they are incorrect or fail to answer in five seconds, they lose the value of the question, and one of the other contestants gets to try. The After Hours twist comes into play at this point. We’ve spiced up the show by adding eight ‘Remove an Article of Clothing’ answers to the Stripardy part of the game. After the correct question is asked, or all contestants who wish to try and respond provide an incorrect question, it will be revealed whether the answer was a ‘Remove an article of clothing’ or ‘No clothing to be removed’ answer. 

 

 

“If it is a ‘Remove an article of clothing’ answer and a correct question is asked, then the other two contestants will each remove an article of clothing. If no correct question was asked, then each contestant that asked a wrong question will remove an article of clothing. If no one buzzes, then the last contestant to ask a correct question chooses another category and dollar amount.”

 

 

“Like that other show, one Daily Double space is hidden on the board in Stripardy. The contestant selecting that space will be able to wager up to all their current winnings on the answer. If they have less than five hundred dollars they will be able to wager up to five hundred dollars. The Daily Double space will always be a ‘No clothing to be removed’ answer. After all thirty answers have been revealed, or the ten-minute time limit has expired, the game moves into Double Stripardy.”

 

 

“The game is played the same way in Double Stripardy except six new categories are used, and the answers have values of two hundred, four hundred, six hundred, eight hundred, or one thousand dollars. There are two Daily Double spaces, and there are sixteen ‘Remove an article of clothing’ answers. With the two Daily Doubles' contestants can wager up to a thousand dollars if they have less than a thousand dollars.”

 

 

“Contestants are allowed to have up to nine pieces of clothing. For example, men could have a pair of shoes, two socks, underwear, a shirt, pants, a jacket, and a tie. Women could have a pair of shoes, two nylons, a garter belt, a bra, panties, a blouse, and a skirt. Or they could have a pair of shoes, two socks, panties, a bra, a blouse, slacks, and a jacket. Contestants can have less than nine pieces of clothing.”

 

 

“As an added twist, if a contestant is completely naked and receives a ‘Remove an article of clothing,’ then the show gets really interesting. The first time this occurs, women will have to play with themselves for thirty seconds, and men will have to stroke themselves for thirty seconds after they have a hardon.”

 

 

“The second time, women will have to use this dildo for thirty seconds, while men will need to use this artificial vagina for the same time.”

 

 

“The third time women will use this vibrator and men this vibrating artificial vagina for thirty seconds.”

 

 

“The fourth, and for every answer after that, a remote control, that’s hooked into a computer, will randomly operate, for a period of up to thirty seconds, this butterfly vibrator or this vibrating artificial vagina that you’ll be wearing. That means that the vibrator will be turned on even if it isn’t a ‘Remove an article of clothing’ answer. Your only escape is if you respond with a correct question.”

 

 

“At the end of the Double Stripardy round, all contestants with at least one dollar are eligible to play Final Stripardy. However, anyone with zero, a negative score, or who orgasmed during either Stripardy or Double Stripardy is disqualified from further play.”

 

 

“In Final Stripardy, one final category is announced. Eligible contestants, before seeing the answer, write down a wager of up to everything they have on their ability to come up with a correct response in that category. Once the final question is revealed, contestants will have thirty seconds to write what they believe is the correct question. Those who are correct will have the amount they wagered added to their winnings. However, incorrect questions or failing to phrase the response properly will result in what they wagered being subtracted from their winnings. Everyone keeps what they win. The contestant with the most cash is declared champion and will return to the next show to face two new challengers. Champions will compete until they are defeated.”

 

 

“Finally, so the game will appeal to both sexes, the challengers each week will be a man and a woman. That way each contestant group will have at least one male and one female.”

 

 

Looking around the room, she asked, “Any questions?”

 

 

‘Wow!’ I thought. ‘This isn’t quite what I had in mind when I thought I wanted to be on a game show.’

 

 

I then listened to various people ask questions about specific aspects of the rules, about what happened after the show, and when shows would be aired. One man asked, “What do you believe the daily champion will take home?”

 

 

Maria said, “If it follows the standard set by that other show, daily champions should average between five and ten thousand dollars, while the others should average half that amount.

 

 

A woman asked, “Does the remote control remain active during Final Stripardy?”

 

 

Maria responded, looking at Jeff, “There was a lot of debate about this amongst staff. The final outcome was no. So it will not remain active. We felt that it would be too much of a distraction when a championship was on the line.”

 

 

Seeing no more questions Maria continued, “If there’s no more questions, Jeff and I have a question for you before we begin your on-camera assessments. As you can probably understand, we’re looking for ways to enhance the audience appeal of the show. One suggestion that was made by one of the focus groups we held was that the daily champions undergo cunnilingus or fellatio by the loser of their choice. Does anyone have any comments?”

 

 

Several people enthusiastically piped in, “Great idea!” 

 

 

Seeing this answer, Maria continued, “We’ll add that to the rules then.”

 

 

She continued, after taking a sheet of paper from Jeff, “We’ll get started with the on-camera assessments. Jeff, George, and I will do one-on-one assessments with individuals in front of a camera. We’ll then look at the tape with you and give you a yea or nay on the spot. If you’re a yea, see Rhonda at reception, who’ll give you a taping session time. You should know that we’re taping all five sessions today, so we only need eleven people. We’ll keep the names of all of you who are chosen after the first eleven for subsequent shows. Good luck.”

 

 

She then called out three names and asked them to follow her out of the room. As the first three left the room, another woman came in, and Maria said, “This is Jessica. She will call out your names and tell you which studio to go to.”

 

 

I started to chat with the woman beside me. About fifteen minutes later, after three more people had been called out of the room, I switched to the woman on the other side of me who said, “Isn’t this great? We get money for taking off our clothes in front of a camera. I’ve watched that show since I was a kid and have always had answers at the same time or even before the on-camera contestants. I had also played the computer version and been a winner more often than not.”

 

 

She got me thinking, ‘I’ve regularly beat the computer version too, even against kids that were two grades ahead of me.’

 

 

Just then I heard my name called, and I got up to leave. I was directed into a small studio and saw George talking with a camerawoman. Seeing me George asked, “Hi. What’s your name?”

 

 

“Jane,” I replied. “Jane Viscount.”

 

 

"Well, Jane,” he said, “please stand behind one of the podiums and pick up the buzzer. I’m going to give you a couple of answers, and I’d like you to respond. Okay?”

 

 

I walked over and stood behind a clear Plexiglas podium and picked up a buzzer. He fired an answer at me, and, after buzzing, I responded with a question. After three answers, he said, “Great. Now would you mind undressing, and we’ll repeat the process?”

 

 

Seeing me look at him apprehensively, he said, “I can almost guarantee that you’ll end up being naked. It’s the whole objective of the game for the audience. We’d like to see how you tape nude. Is this a problem?”

 

 

“No,” I replied as I started to undo the buttons of my blouse. “It’s not a problem. It was just a bit of a surprise to hear you ask me to undress.”

 

 

I quickly undressed and stood, a little self-consciously, behind the podium. 

 

 

George fired an answer at me, and, after buzzing, I stuttered out a question. After he said the second answer, I buzzed and responded with a bit more confidence. With the third question, I’d forgotten that I was naked and responded quickly. After two more questions, George said, “Okay Jane. Get dressed, and we’ll go review the tape.”

 

 

As we sat in the control room with the camerawoman and watched the tape, I thought, ‘The podium sure doesn’t hide anything. My bush is totally exposed. It looks like there’s a light under the shelf to make sure it’s illuminated.’ 

 

 

After the tape finished, George and the camerawoman whispered back and forth before George turned to me and said, “Great job, Jane. Catherine and I agree that you’re fine on camera. Here’s a yea card. Take it out to Rhonda and get a taping time.”

 

 

I went out to reception and, after giving Rhonda the yea card, was told, “You’re number eight. Please be here at 2:45 this afternoon. You’re scheduled for the second last show, which starts taping at 4:00.”

 

 

“Come back here,” she continued. “We’ll get you to sign all the forms and then get you into makeup. Please bring a change of clothes. If you are the daily champion, we’d like you to have new clothes for the next show. Any questions?”

 

 

Seeing me shaking my head no, she said, “We’ll see you here at 2:45 then.”

 

 

Looking at my watch, I saw that it was just after 10:00. I’d have to get home, get changed so that I only had nine items of clothing, pack a change of clothes, have something to eat, and then get back here at 2:45.

 

 

I arrived back at 2:40 and was welcomed by Rhonda.

 

 

“Thanks for being on time,” she said. “The other challenger is here already. Please go into ready-room number two. It’s just down the hall. Franco, your makeup person, will be in shortly. He’ll have all the permission and waiver forms with him. Please read them over before you sign.”

 

 

Entering ready-room two, I sat on the bench that was in front of a mirror.